Then, if the mistress was a Christian, she would give her a Bible or ask to pray for her. ‘This is his son,’ she would say, pointing at me to my father’s mistress. “My father would have an affair, my mother would inevitably find out, and she would take me to his mistress. Then there was his father’s rampant adultery. Other than that, he was pretty much absent.” “My father believed that his job was simply to provide for his family. Physically, my father was there, but he wasn’t present for the family,” he said. Before long, the relationship turned cold and her disappointed mother became bitter.Ī similar dynamic happened during Albert’s childhood. It was a shock for her.”Ī workaholic husband who refused to communicate his feelings was a difficult partner for a sheltered wife who thought marriage would be a fairytale that would suddenly increase her status. Then she got married to my father, who was stubborn and rebellious. “She had never had any boyfriends before my father, so she had no experience with relationships,” she said. But according to Putri, her mother was ill-suited to her married life. Her father, a gruff, old-school patriarch from a humble family, threw himself into work to provide his family a comfortable life. They had three daughters in quick succession and fell into middle class routine. It didn’t seem to matter at the beginning. “They were over 30 years old and were afraid their time was running out.” “They didn’t marry for love,” said the 29-year-old digital content creator, who opted to use a pseudonym for this article. Putri admits from the start that her parents forged ahead with marriage under less-than-auspicious circumstances. Putting things right required a lot of soul-searching – something he fears not many are willing to do. He acknowledged a lifetime of “living the wrong way”, getting married for perhaps flimsy reasons and losing his own path as a father. But the human resources consultant has had to fight for his current peace of mind. Now 50 years old with three children of his own, Albert looks back on his family background with a hard-earned acceptance. They didn’t deserve to be abandoned by my father, too.” “She just wanted to make sure those two girls were taken care of. “I don’t think my mother was angry or vengeful,” Albert said. (Courtesy of Albert Gunawan) (Courtesy of Albert Gunawan/Personal collection) He has engaged in ‘remedial parenting’ for the past six years. That was until, one day, his father returned bearing news that he had had two daughters with a longtime mistress.Ī changed man: Mesach Albert Gunawan (right) and his family pose for a holiday photo. Albert’s father had repeatedly cheated on his mother, and his mother always forgave him. She said, ‘They’re for your sisters.’”Ī harmless act, until he noticed the finer details. “One day, my mother took me to the market to pick out two blankets,” he said. Mesach Albert Gunawan remembers the scene like it was yesterday.
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